Busy Being Tara

This treatment was a bit of a strange one. Yesterday, I arrived feeling excited and curious, wondering if I would experience any visual hallucinations again. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

I’m not sure if it was because I listened to an EMDR playlist instead of my usual ketamine playlist on Spotify, but this session felt much more emotional than the others. At one point, I was lying there crying uncontrollably. My emotions seemed to shift constantly, moving from one feeling to another without any clear reason. The best way I can describe it is that it felt like my emotions were being tossed around in a washing machine set to the gentle cycle; never overwhelming enough to be chaotic, but constantly moving and impossible to ignore.

By the time I got home, I was completely exhausted. I’m not sure whether it was from the trip to Las Vegas, the emotional intensity of the treatment, or a combination of both, but I fell asleep almost immediately. I woke up just long enough to attend our club board meeting, and as soon as it ended, I went right back to bed. I ended up sleeping until 10:30 this morning, which is very unusual for me. My body clearly needed the rest after such a busy and emotionally draining few days.

Today, I’ve been feeling really off. I’ve been unusually emotional, and my sensitivity to sensory input seems heightened. Things that normally wouldn’t bother me: sounds, lights, or even just the general busyness around me, feel much more intense and difficult to tune out. I’ve found myself feeling overwhelmed more easily and reacting more strongly to things than I typically would. I’m not sure if it’s a lingering effect from treatment, the emotional processing that took place during the session, or simply exhaustion catching up with me, but I definitely don’t feel quite like myself today.

On a positive note, I met with my new counselor today, and I left feeling hopeful. She specializes in both Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), two approaches that I think could be really beneficial for me. It feels encouraging to be working with someone whose expertise aligns with the areas I want to focus on, and I’m looking forward to seeing where this new therapeutic relationship takes me.